Lost

The feeling of falling is something I cherish. The instants where you are weightless with no ties to amount of effort it takes move your arm from at your side to covering your mouth, no energy required to drag yourself from one point to another as you force your legs to lift and stand ready. Gravity is your only guiding force, and its the only thing you rely on. There is something so reassuring about falling.

Lately I just feel like I'm shuffling along from one place to another, following schedules about meeting clients and attending meetings and writing emails that reply about doing a conference call. Its exhausting the amount of effort we go through simply to follow these guidelines set out before us from some all seeing governing force about how work needs to be done. I wish to drop all these things and simply fall into my bed and sleep for days.

Yet, I am instead falling into rhythm where I wake up, go to work, then go to work again, then hang out, then read, then sleep. Day after day after this cycle repeats itself yielding me to simply be guided by a preset schedule telling that this is good for my resume, so I will be able to get a good job once I graduate, so I may provide for my good family, and send my good kids to a good school where they may go to a good college to put on their resume.

I am falling, yet there is no end. My entire life I have been falling one way or another. I guess I never want to finally stop falling because when I do, well I'll be dead. Yet for me to fall there must be gravity drawing me to something, I should enjoy the descent.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQfbZy8BRSA&feature=youtu.be

laspe of time

Sorry, it has been a while since my last post. I have no real excuse besides saying I am lazy. What I wanted to discuss today is the idea of being in the moment. I feel that too often when we are excited for something to happen, when the moment actually happens our expectations are either too high to properly enjoy what is going, or on the other hand we get so hyped up about an event that we do not believe said moment is happening. For me, I wish that neither occurs to anyone because both can be devastating, but i believe the later of the two is a much worse case to have happen. When we fall into this type of thinking and delusion of a false reality, we lose the importance of what we were so excited to have happen. Then when the moment is over, we wake up from what we assumed was a dream. What's left is just a void of disappointment. I am not saying that we should not be happy or excited when something new or interesting is going to happen in our lives, but i feel like what happens is that we spent to much time thinking about what is occurring around us and whether or not it is just as we imagined. Even if it is better then what we expected, which is often the case, we spent too much time watching and not enough time simply being there.

take a lesson from my main man jackie chan, who spends time living in the moment by doing everything and anything he wants.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-c2hrEiTi-E

belonging

What does it mean to belong? why should someone want to? Is it vital to our survival?

Recently a friend of mine told me that he felt that no matter where he is, who he is with, he is always on the outside. Never quite fitting in, no matter where he went. This came as a shock to me because he always seemed to be quite social but when i thought about it, what he said made sense. He was always just slightly off, but then again thats what made him who he was. When I heard him tell me about this, I apologized to him and told me he is always welcome with me, imagining how much that must hurt. But then he rebuked me and said he didn't want to be. What he said shocked me. "What if I'm not meant to belong ? What if I shouldn't feel welcome? What if i'm not supposed to fit in?" Suffice to say, I was speechless. That is what human existence is all about. Finding ones place among the crowd, with people who you can feel you belong to. That is why man forms tribes, why nations are created, and why we defend these establishments of our belonging. But as I walked away from him, I realized that I want to be him. To separate myself from the group and look on them and see in which way i can help. Here he had it all figured out, while i was still struggling to find out what i wanted. I can never be him though. I wish i could though, how i wish i could simply look from the outside.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYxu_MQSTTY

Social ness

So Shakespeare once said that "All the worlds a stage, and the men and women are just players" which to me begs the question when are we not acting? I read something by Erving Goffman who had the same idea I did on that quote. He sadly ended up developing a pretty cynical view on life which then got me thinking, what does it matter if we are always acting? Do we really want to know if any action is genuine or not? I thought well everyone has their own motives about whatever they are doing because it makes them happy. Even the people who we know to be self sacrificing have their own goals. They may be feeding the poor because its "the right thing to give back" but inside their head they get some satisfaction that I am helping these people and that makes me a good person. However in the end, they are still feeding the poor. The goal is getting accomplished no matter what. Similarly lets say a guy buys his girlfriend flowers because it makes her happy. Maybe internally he's doing it because he gets enjoyment out of making his girlfriend happy, or perhaps he has some other alterior motive in mind. In the end though we are all looking out for ourselves. But what does it matter? The job is still getting done. Lets say someone takes a bullet for their buddy, they do it knowing that they "did the right thing". No action is completely selfless but what does it matter. Its like the ending to Inception, what does it matter if its a dream or its real? He's still happy.

o and i cant tell whats better, the beard or the reaction to the beard.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=081dHOYY6IE

blogging

What is this idea of blogging? a way for people to express their themselves and get themselves out there is some would say, that its just that shy man's attempt at fame. Others would even say it was for those who crave the attention of their ego, an attempt to gain a self of satisfaction of knowing that someone is reading what i (the witty, clever, well informed, hip, confident, knowledgeable) have to say and benefiting from said literary genius. I was one of those who fell into the last category, and to some degree still do. Maybe this is my craving for attention, my craving that someone out there is reading this and thinks im cool, or says i totally get that! I thought i would never blog to be that big headed and crave the critiques of others. on the hand does that not make me pompus and proud? thinking im too good or too humble to blog on the internet because its what everyone else is doing? I dunno.

To me blogging is like facebook statuses and not for the obvious connection. With blogs and those status updates we are constantly trying to put ourselves out to the public casually but still cool. We try to make these updates and posts clever and obsecure so only some of our "friends" may understand, or try to be funny so we get 15 likes as if it makes our self worth higher knowing someone appreciates my humor. And then we have the person who just says what he wants to say about every single thing in his life. All three piss me off because we are just so fake on a means of attempting to be real.

Hell while writing this blog i found myself falling into the same pitfalls i criticize. I guess its just inherent when we put our thoughts on the internet, we constantly try to put the best without seeming to be trying too hard. Its like a continuous first date in which we cant tell if we just want sex, a relationship, or to get the fuck out.

and for the record the rent is too damn high.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4o-TeMHys0&feature=youtu.be